Friday, 27 June 2014

Black dogs...

My blog has slowly evolved from just blogging because I enjoy photography and writing, to being about my journey through grief and depression to now finally having an awesome purpose - raising funds for Black Dog Institute to help with education and awareness and treatment of mental health issues.

The last 12 months have been anything but simple, easy or fun!  I am not complaining, just stating a truth.  If you read back through my earlier posts you will gain a certain degree of understanding of what the journey has been and still is.  I am still emotionally and mentally exhausted and at times broken.  The smallest thing sets me off into tears and a downer just when I think I'm nearly through it all.  So why undertake such a massive ride, by myself, when I am still learning to control my Ducati Monster?


It's not just about me!  Our journey never is just about us.  It has to have a purpose beyond the grieving, beyond the depression and beyond the feeling of hopelessness that it will never end.  It has to give hope to others who have been through or are experiencing the same thing.  Otherwise, what is it worth?

It's also about grace... God's unending, unconditional, abundant grace.  I will talk about His grace until I can talk no more.  I will talk about His love until I run out of words to express it.  Then I will ask him to show it through me in the things that I do.  I am no saint, so far from it that it grieves me at times.  But God is not asking me to be.  He has covered me with his son Jesus and that's all I need. 

Years ago when I was first diagnosed with depression, I was absolutely convinced that God didn't love me, didn't want me and had completely abandoned me.  And, that it would never change... There is a whole other story in there that I hope to share one day but my point for now is that I am so far removed from that person who I was simply because he didn't give up on me.  I am also completely convinced of his love for me that I can finally, for the first time, be free to be me and know that it is enough.

I could honestly go on for hours about how far he has brought me through and will continue to bring me through.  I'll try to space it out over a few posts though so as not to lose you ;)

I am stoked with the support I have received so far and I appreciate those of you who have shown concern.  Please be assured I am being looked after, I am being careful in the planning and will be getting in a lot of practice!   I am not on my own in this or I couldn't do it and I am so excited for what is ahead not just on the ride but in the lead up to it and for what God has planned long after the ride is over.

J xx

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